Dear Diary Lover Layer,
It wasn't that great of a birthday party but at least Brian was there. Brian and I also spent much of the following weekend together, but then i freaked out like a cat and Brian freaked out like a cat even though he tried to pretend that it was all okay and beautiful. Is Brian really so naive? Could it be true that Brian really doesn't understand that I don't want I mostly absent boyfriend? How sad Freyja's golden tears must have been.
It feels best to string aside Brian's love like another pearl.
It is a sort of uncommitted love, but I sort of understand that Brian may not be developed enough to have an adult relationship, whatever that means.
This is the 4th time I've had a mostly conscious love affair. I must say my heart beats in circles, because it feels so weird, but all relationships do. The idea that I could have a normal causal not overly intense fair and balanced relationship seems possibly impossible?
I feel like my relationships are always lacking in continuity. I feel forever awkward. I might get more schoolwork done if I wasn't falling deeper in love with someone. But especially someone who I can't see all the time.
It really sucks. It really sucks. It sucks that I can't just meet up and chill, or go for a walk. And the time we have spent together is so condensed and like a flipped switch ON or OFF.
I think my head in high heaven would want me to end this. But Brian is so cute and lovable.
sorry bunny
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