photos i have done recently

20 minute free write

beckon closely strangers and round ye here knobs turning forth and backwards
pop made screws to turn clockwise and counter clockwise one does the trick the other does the job
and i forgot but lil loucy beckons sweetly and says
where is my heart stone bredth? beckins slowly
finger curls round lines
no lines
a line does not follow it falls
pop
answer quite slowly
quite annoying
quite open
all of us are wrong

i make the blue jeans make the bread pan make the music noise candy rythm anger
rythm anger smells sweet grass on my tatse buds lenthgens allowance of ache measure
beats to the drone to hypnotize big eyes like the sun
so blinding and msiling you will never let herhimwe in
i beleive
i have faith
i dont care to know
because
beckons slowly
is the answer
to the gravel grade concrete marks on the stoned path textured unclean bathE ME
mother i allow you to purge
while i threaten you witha  better life sometimes i wish my stepmother would just croak
so my dad could be my dad again
but he can't
he can't take care of himself anymore
and god keeps holding him to earth so we can cry together



and god pats me on the back, you're so strong
but you really must learn to speak up for yourself without getting angry
or using words unclean unclear so foreigners do not reign over you heart when they confuse rules for freedom
limitations with liberations and
liberty with bortherhood
brother IS ME
BROTHER IS ME
brother is me

hem
hema
hemroid
hernia

another surgery
but i dont ebleive in surgery i only believe in love

and blue jeans
really tight blue jeans
and childhood always
i will never grow up because i found out you don't have to
drink wine off the gourd magic go to another country
this landfill has no vacancy for vagrants
named frangrant
named light

i am only one man talking
one man flak
one man flux fux


hold no
make no
pray no...
yes.

fake ye young children knowledge wisdom and blood

this one the water
this one the wizard
this one the river
this one to deliver


fade ye young children
there is not truth

groggy breath
in the morning
yellow air
sweet warm sunlight through transparent curtain
plagarism

honey


warm honey

wasted herbs in a pot

bacon
beckons slowly


no politics
heart stage
cant explain wish you knew
how much i observe
how judgemental
analyze
wish i knew
what i saw
so close or far away
blurs on both ends
and ever micro fascia movement
absolved in the web of your awareness and how much you cover up
for my sleuth


how much my eyes fall out with the strings hanging down
as i collect them dirty
unclear more refined discipline
who am i to please this time?
i can't tell, which one i will betray?
im hungry cuz i can't go home i dont want to deal with my responsibility
does everyone know i will only say no if we know eahc other well enough for me to treat you like my own heart?
bacon
beckons slowly

makes meat
makes anger


melody rises
mealone is a dream

blanket statement


means makes no matter no sense
bacon. beckonslsowly


i am god.


corporeal parts beckons slowly say
show me
identity
but i cannot
a cancer will grow
called body

they say smallness is a sign of health.

mark yourself
mistake yourself for a mother
have a baby why don't you
pay the rent
it's okay i so tnderly caress your face right now in my mind
my fonegrs dance on your skin
i love you
good morning
i love you
hello, good morning.         I LOVE YOU.





hello.


good morning.


i love you.


so godamned much.
isn't that the only thing i ever have to say?





so silence grows
beckons slowly.
made of baby's breath
i answer quite slowly
and hold my own withered moisture still
so i can learn to listen again.
about what you ever have to say.

what is it you want? good morning i love you

not a form
time as a target time as a target

and i'm thinking about myself staring into my room. but it's not my room. it's someone else's. and i don't have a room, but i'm very scared.

words behind me

this body
my body
cut from flesh
made of armor

am i good? am i good? am i good? am i good?

one water droplet
slivers of patience
slices of memory
the lens

THIS IS MEDICINE



THIS IS FOOD


self portrait:

you're a witch you're a witch you're a witch you're a witch you're a witch


__________________
i am not.
i am not.
i am not.
i am not.
the brother is me.

Aporia

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For the butterflies, see Aporia (genus). For the album by Forever Never, see Aporia (album).

Aporia (Ancient Greek: ἀπορɛία: impasse; lack of resources; puzzlement; doubt; confusion) denotes, in philosophy, a philosophical puzzle or state of puzzlement, and, in rhetoric, a rhetorically useful expression of doubt.

Contents [hide] 1 Definitions 2 Etymology 3 Philosophy 4 Rhetoric 5 See also 6 References

[edit] Definitions

Definitions of the term aporia have varied throughout history. The Oxford English Dictionary includes two forms of the word: the adjective, “aporetic” which it defines as “to be at a loss,” “impassable,” and “inclined to doubt, or to raise objections”; and the noun form “aporia,” which it defines as the “state of the aporetic” and “a perplexity or difficulty.” The dictionary entry also includes two early textual uses, which both refer to the term’s rhetorical (rather than philosophical) usage.
In George Puttenham’s The Arte of English Poesie (1589) aporia is “the Doubtful, [so] called...because oftentimes we will seem to caste perils, and make doubts of things when by a plaine manner of speech we might affirm or deny [them].” In another reference from 1657, J. Smith’s Mystical Rhetoric, the term becomes “a figure whereby the speaker sheweth that he doubteth, either where to begin for the multitude of matters, or what to do or say in some strange or ambiguous thing” (OED). Herbert Weir Smyth's Greek Grammar (1956) also focuses on the rhetorical usage by defining aporia as “an artifice by which a speaker feigns doubts as to where he shall begin or end or what he shall do or say” (674).
More modern sources, perhaps because they come after the advent of post-structuralism, have chosen to omit the rhetorical usage of the term. In William Harmon’s A Handbook to Literature, for example, aporia is identified as “a difficulty, impasse, or point of doubt and indecision” while also noting that critics such as Derrida have employed the term to “indicate a point of undecidability, which locates the site at which the text most obviously undermines its own rhetorical structure, dismantles, or deconstructs itself” (39).

[edit] Etymology

The separation of aporia into its two morphemes a- and poros (‘without’ and ‘passage’) reveals the word’s rich etymological background as well as its connection to Platonic mythology. Sarah Kofman asserts that these two components are crucial to a fuller understanding of the word, which has been historically translated and understood somewhat reductively: “translators, who usually escape their perplexity by translating poros as ‘expediency’ and aporia as ‘difficulty’...leave the reader in the dark as to all the semantic richness of poros and aporia and give no hint as to their links with other words belonging to the same ‘family’” (9). Such links inevitably demonstrate that the terms are part of a “tradition” that Plato borrows from, a tradition which “breaks with a philosophical conception of translation, and with the logic of identity that it implies” (10). To demonstrate such a break, Kofman reviews multiple instances of the term throughout Plato’s work. Her discussion of the myth of Poros, Penia, and Eros in Plato’s Symposium especially reveals the concept’s untranslatability. Penia, the “child of poverty,” decides to forcefully impregnate herself with the inebriated Poros, the personification of plenty, who is always in opposition with aporia and thus defining aporia. The result of this union is Eros, who inherits the disparate characteristics of his parents (25). The perplexing aspect of the myth is revealed as one realizes that Penia is acting out of resourcefulness, a quality normally attributed to Poros, and Poros’ inaction reveals his own passivity, a poverty of agency or poros. Such a relationship intensely affects not only the context of aporia but its meaning as well:

Penia is no more the opposite of Poros than is the aporia; the true, philosophical aporia, or Penia, is always fertile; in her all opposites are placed under erasure; she is neither masculine nor feminine, neither rich nor poor…neither resourceful nor without resources. This is why Aporia, which breaks with the logic of identity, and which pertains to the logic of the intermediary, is an untranslatable term. (27)

Ultimately, aporia cannot be separated from this etymological and cultural history. Such history provides insight into aporia’s perplexing semantic qualities as well as into the historical context in which the word functions as an indicator of the limits of language in constructing knowledge.

[edit] Philosophy

In philosophy, an aporia is a philosophical puzzle or a seemingly insoluble impasse in an inquiry, often arising as a result of equally plausible yet inconsistent premises. It can also denote the state of being perplexed, or at a loss, at such a puzzle or impasse. The notion of an aporia is principally found in Greek philosophy, but it also plays a role in post-structuralist philosophy, as in the writings of Derrida and Irigaray, and it has also served as an instrument of investigation in analytic philosophy.
Plato's early dialogues are often called his 'aporetic' (Greek: ἀπορητικός) dialogues because they typically end in aporia. In such a dialogue, Socrates questions his interlocutor about the nature or definition of a concept, for example virtue or courage. Socrates then, through elenctic testing, shows his interlocutor that his answer is unsatisfactory. After a number of such failed attempts, the interlocutor admits he is in aporia about the examined concept, concluding that he does not know what it is. In Plato's Meno (84a-c), Socrates describes the purgative effect of reducing someone to aporia: it shows someone who merely thought he knew something that he does not in fact know it and instills in him a desire to investigate it.
In Aristotle's Metaphysics aporia plays a role in his method of inquiry. In contrast to a rationalist inquiry that begins from a priori principles, or an empiricist inquiry that begins from a tabula rasa, he begins the Metaphysics by surveying the various aporiai that exist, drawing in particular on what puzzled his predecessors: "with a view to the science we are seeking [i.e., metaphysics], it is necessary that we should first review the things about which we need, from the outset, to be puzzled" (995a24). Book Beta of the Metaphysics is a list of the aporiai that preoccupy the rest of the work.
Contemporary academic studies of the term further characterize its usage in philosophical discourses. In "Aporetics: Rational Deliberation in the Face of Inconsistency" (2009), Nicholas Rescher is concerned with the methods in which an aporia, or “apory,” is intellectually processed and resolved. In the Preface, Rescher identifies the work as an attempt to “synthesize and systematize an aporetic procedure for dealing with information overload (of ‘cognitive dissonance,’ as it is sometimes called)” (ix). The text is also useful in that it provides a more precise (although specialized) definition of the concept: “any cognitive situation in which the threat of inconsistency confronts us” (1). Rescher further introduces his specific study of the apory by qualifying the term as “a group of individually plausible but collectively incompatible theses,” a designation he illustrates with the following syllogism or “cluster of contentions”:

1. What the sight of our eyes tells us is to be believed.2. Sight tells us the stick is bent.
3. What the touch of our hand tells us is to be believed.
4. Touch tells us the stick is straight. (2)

The aporia, or “apory” of this syllogism lies in the fact that, while each of these assertions is individually conceivable, together, they are inconsistent or impossible. Rescher’s study is indicative of the continuing presence of scholarly examinations of the concept of aporia and, furthermore, of the continuing attempts of scholars to translate the word, to describe its modern meaning.

[edit] Rhetoric

Aporia is also a rhetorical device whereby the speaker expresses a doubt—often feigned—about his position or asks the audience rhetorically how he or she should proceed. It is also called dubitatio. For example (Demosthenes On The Crown, 129):

I am at no loss for information about you and your family; but I am at a loss where to begin. Shall I relate how your father Tromes was a slave in the house of Elpias, who kept an elementary school near the Temple of Theseus, and how he wore shackles on his legs and a timber collar round his neck? or how your mother practised daylight nuptials in an outhouse next door to Heros the bone-setter, and so brought you up to act in tableaux vivants and to excel in minor parts on the stage?

 

another negative entry dont read if youre sensitive

What was I saying?

I don't know how  the pattern started exactly. Knowing that I was doing something unhealthy but so stubborn to do so.

I feel like this is the story of a person so very lost that they had to ruminate on long passages of youth and rebellion to determine just where they dropped off. And they could have been doing that last time. This is when or where or how I dropped off my face. My face to be obliterated by my memory of what i loooked like.

Enter Nur. Enter Friend called Boy Friend. Enter desert roads that we never travelled down. To be remembered later in more familiar fashions. With James. With Clel. With Family. With comfort. I feel like I will never know what that feels like ever again.

I gone.

I am trying to figure out. Why it is we mistakenly abuse eache other. And the things we remembered. Are very different from one another. Did I close my ears as I told him I needed attention? I am I am I am no woman. I could never be. They see it I see it.

Just now, the road being orange. The sky very blue and winter. And back farther, the yellowness of the dingy apartment. Brown carpet. Opaque lighting. Beige countertops. Hours passing. What it feels like to know what you want or need, in opposition to what someone wants is a very different step on the stairs than when you don't know what you want. When you don't know what you want is when you can let your gaurd down. To try something new. To endure it long enough to really be sure that you already knew that you

didnt want any fingers in the back of your mouth
shutting down a quiet scream tiny in its origin
mouth mutterings muffled
three or four fingers

raid   a   lover gone
bathe their body in the couture lawn
laced like we're fancier
than a breeze

could you swing your arms at me?
move it with the wind


all i want is to hear the wind singing as i dance like a tree forever in the movement of my own body
but to be warm from the inside

KILL JEFFREY

just because everyone has a heart, doesn't mean you have to blind yourself, to the ways in which they can be an asshole. why asshole? asshole is a cool word. but ass hole is not a cool thing to be. professional assholes are some. not me. professional wizard maybe. professional hope fiend. professional wanderer. professional misunderstood. professional not eloquent, professional....... guess we're all assholes.
gobs of sobriety.

_________________________
in retro spect i dont realy know whats going on
but i guess now i can tell who's being a jerk
and jerks are not assholes
jerks are just like really specific people who only some friends can understand
___________
i'm an angry person
poised to scream
mouth open and blood pouring out
not sure why

how to not give a fuck.

how to write:
step one. you are not a writer.
step two. take 5 drops white peony tincture for FEELING STUFF
step three. write as if whatever came out of your fingertips were gold. nevermind it is fool's gold. it's still pretty shiny.
step four. remind yourself you are not a writer.
step five. no one gives a shit and you're doing such a good job.

bouncy knee knobs sputtering claim
claim that they're happy
well, i'm happy, and you're doin real good by yall

yellow weather
in cold spot
denotes
recharge
denotes sunspots
in your blind's eye
they're alright
jo jo
jolly joy hello

spank me.