please world stop doing so many drugs
please chill out
please calm down
or at least know your body know your drug
i swear it feels like the world is getting harder to handle soooooo
if you are me
then you miught wanna try the new/old
imma gonna try som sort of raw/vegan/bone soup/tea/no weed/no alcohol
food system
sorry bunny
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
reminder: exhibitionist style
i do not like a and remember this Nur. bad vibes. it is dangerous for you to interact with such a fellow on highly intimate levels. you will not be given what you give out and your earnest care will be overlooked. at the same time, try to have compassion for this person still and not totally judge him just because you cannot relate all too well. you will find reward in this thinking as opposed to writing someone off completely.
but realize that it will not be healthy to participate in baseless intimacy regardless of how nice and meaningful wild or fun it sounds in thoughts idears and text messages. The reality is compassion. The reality is care. The reality is letting people into your heart. The reality is vulnerability. the reality is tears. The reality is self-love. The reality is everyone is different and it is okay to have boundaries and preferences even if you feel oddly connected and comfortable with someone you hardly even know and that seems special. remember aaron. remember you do not have to any longer be your 18-year old naive self . remember it is possible to have wild escapades of exploration and still be given quality time. remember that you are very mature and it is okay to not find anyone in this small ass town who wants to live outside the social parameters of space-time, and that you deserve to be studied and not overlooked, and that Sista Soulja was hella right about not giving the milk without buying the cow. even though i hate the government and don't believe in marriage. you get the point.
fuck mixtapes.
thats all.
love nur
to the infinite to the zero
but realize that it will not be healthy to participate in baseless intimacy regardless of how nice and meaningful wild or fun it sounds in thoughts idears and text messages. The reality is compassion. The reality is care. The reality is letting people into your heart. The reality is vulnerability. the reality is tears. The reality is self-love. The reality is everyone is different and it is okay to have boundaries and preferences even if you feel oddly connected and comfortable with someone you hardly even know and that seems special. remember aaron. remember you do not have to any longer be your 18-year old naive self . remember it is possible to have wild escapades of exploration and still be given quality time. remember that you are very mature and it is okay to not find anyone in this small ass town who wants to live outside the social parameters of space-time, and that you deserve to be studied and not overlooked, and that Sista Soulja was hella right about not giving the milk without buying the cow. even though i hate the government and don't believe in marriage. you get the point.
fuck mixtapes.
thats all.
love nur
to the infinite to the zero
Sunday, January 20, 2013
dear lord I am unsure of where my travels may lead me. Do i feel desperate. Do i dream?
I dream dreams of death. Perchance after I heal this stress will let go.
why eyes
eyes of silver
slit and sliver run around
anthrope
athropic
miss
what you up to
why eye
drea of death
i cannot find rest
all this electricty
begins
on my knees
I dream dreams of death. Perchance after I heal this stress will let go.
why eyes
eyes of silver
slit and sliver run around
anthrope
athropic
miss
what you up to
why eye
drea of death
i cannot find rest
all this electricty
begins
on my knees
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
lakers
i can't help but I can't help but i can't help but
the sound pounding underneath
i can't help but I can't help but I can't help but I can't brath
but the spund in my throat lungs desires and merges with air
then i sing
my song is breath
birds cries
shadows
makes the music make the motion make thematter.
i fell in love with a dream
and you are intimidated by me
the sound pounding underneath
i can't help but I can't help but I can't help but I can't brath
but the spund in my throat lungs desires and merges with air
then i sing
my song is breath
birds cries
shadows
makes the music make the motion make thematter.
i fell in love with a dream
and you are intimidated by me
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Kali
Dear kelli,
I'm like patriarchy and you're Kali, and you do everything women aren't supposed to do, right?
uhhhhhhhhhhhh. start over.
I just wanna say. That in every contradiction is an arrow where the point is made to find you.
In every piece of you, there is a piece of me, and I want to find it.
For me to 'agree' with you, would be to ignore the part of you that connects with me.
It would be like brushing my unique self under the rug for your unique self.
It would be like un-weaving and re-weaving that rug so that none of the strings attached.
For you to believe, that I always disagree with what someone else is saying because I either:
want them to be more developed, want to say i am right, or prove them wrong (or whatever it was you said today), would be obscuring my intention: to understand you in spite of Me.
Thank you,
That's all.
Nur
I'm like patriarchy and you're Kali, and you do everything women aren't supposed to do, right?
uhhhhhhhhhhhh. start over.
I just wanna say. That in every contradiction is an arrow where the point is made to find you.
In every piece of you, there is a piece of me, and I want to find it.
For me to 'agree' with you, would be to ignore the part of you that connects with me.
It would be like brushing my unique self under the rug for your unique self.
It would be like un-weaving and re-weaving that rug so that none of the strings attached.
For you to believe, that I always disagree with what someone else is saying because I either:
want them to be more developed, want to say i am right, or prove them wrong (or whatever it was you said today), would be obscuring my intention: to understand you in spite of Me.
Thank you,
That's all.
Nur
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
my mother is a good mother
river run that shit down the drain
these aches of rhythm in the slap of the feet on the ground, on the water
it hits my heel
flicked to a flock
all this yearning can be found in a single drop of rain or remembering to look up when the sun hits your eyes
all the jangly things
and i never want to drink
am i beautiful? or just nourishment?
am i rich? or just sullen...
i'd like to plant some seeds today
i'd buy seeds
i'd buy seeds
and black tea
experiments.
let's do an experiment.
these aches of rhythm in the slap of the feet on the ground, on the water
it hits my heel
flicked to a flock
all this yearning can be found in a single drop of rain or remembering to look up when the sun hits your eyes
all the jangly things
and i never want to drink
am i beautiful? or just nourishment?
am i rich? or just sullen...
i'd like to plant some seeds today
i'd buy seeds
i'd buy seeds
and black tea
experiments.
let's do an experiment.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
eye
what kind of story am i weaving? is it still the one in which the lone star waits until the savior picks him-her up from seattle? while it is raining? What can I do? Lord.
play play the drums on corner edges of lips. play play be nice. anger.. what does anger get you? anger begets attachment? what does one such with eyes like mine do? pretend not to notice because, to notice without being able to hold(heard) that bird(love) in your hand without crushing it to death, would be a shame for the eyes to look at.
so dance your body. dance your brains out. dance your muscles. massage the dream.
look away and draw the attention to the points/wrists
move on axis
point
make arrows
sings into the sky
let the birds come to listen
walk with a rhythm
slop in the water
wear eye glasses and sun glasses if you need to
cover your body
pierce and color your body
learn to hold tall needles
pretend not to notice
until the movement of your eyes is all neeed ed for them to see
the invisible solutions to the mathematical endeavors
(which you and the universe hold in our bodies, in that flesh blood air earth)
play play the drums on corner edges of lips. play play be nice. anger.. what does anger get you? anger begets attachment? what does one such with eyes like mine do? pretend not to notice because, to notice without being able to hold(heard) that bird(love) in your hand without crushing it to death, would be a shame for the eyes to look at.
so dance your body. dance your brains out. dance your muscles. massage the dream.
look away and draw the attention to the points/wrists
move on axis
point
make arrows
sings into the sky
let the birds come to listen
walk with a rhythm
slop in the water
wear eye glasses and sun glasses if you need to
cover your body
pierce and color your body
learn to hold tall needles
pretend not to notice
until the movement of your eyes is all neeed ed for them to see
the invisible solutions to the mathematical endeavors
(which you and the universe hold in our bodies, in that flesh blood air earth)
Monday, January 7, 2013
dancin with tears in my eyes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGcJNIXc2QM&list=AL94UKMTqg-9CBnaQ3MMm_WcdG2KT7HpBe
x
dancing with tears in my eyes cause the girl in my arms isn't you
- guess i feel a little depressed--> that turning into feeling bitterness and anger towards people--> anger turns into a strength to be a rebel of my own
who i am
can this rebel
be civil enough
to stay in the furnace
must not think bad thoughts must not think bad thoughts
x
dancing with tears in my eyes cause the girl in my arms isn't you
- guess i feel a little depressed--> that turning into feeling bitterness and anger towards people--> anger turns into a strength to be a rebel of my own
who i am
can this rebel
be civil enough
to stay in the furnace
must not think bad thoughts must not think bad thoughts
gorge on trash then keep on
dear irrepairable damage.
is it possible to proclaim
that this fragile body dies.
underneath the wait of hope
wish i could understand
these fools kidding around
when i tumble i break my bones
frozen, i don't even feel
as flying strangers through hoops
i turn my face around
revealing the revelation of past sinners' truth
that we must die a thousand deaths to recover from . oh .
from what i can't rember maybe just the time i pulled your face down and tried to put my own flesh on yer bones
and your blood was not collected in the ceremonial bowl
time collaspsed
and yelling sorry for centuries proved to only be dust
because we don't want to be with each other
and i don't want to listen to you.
garbage sadness leave me alone because i need to sculpt the body
is it possible to proclaim
that this fragile body dies.
underneath the wait of hope
wish i could understand
these fools kidding around
when i tumble i break my bones
frozen, i don't even feel
as flying strangers through hoops
i turn my face around
revealing the revelation of past sinners' truth
that we must die a thousand deaths to recover from . oh .
from what i can't rember maybe just the time i pulled your face down and tried to put my own flesh on yer bones
and your blood was not collected in the ceremonial bowl
time collaspsed
and yelling sorry for centuries proved to only be dust
because we don't want to be with each other
and i don't want to listen to you.
garbage sadness leave me alone because i need to sculpt the body
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
2nd year
It's second year children. It's 2013. The year that is the second version of 2012. This is second year. SECOND YEAR.
Let's take a minute here to embrace.
.
.
.
Now. What's so cool about second year? Second year is the second chance to do everything you didn't do but wanted to in the 1st year of the Great Transformation. 2013 is the year for new beginnings, the year to embrace your fears, to let go of shame, to be yourself even in the other children mock you and never ask you any questions about who you are ever, to stop breaking boundaries, to break more boundaries, to hold windows open in Winter, to make love to the earth, to find out our histories based in blood and breath, to discover the true story of Lucifer, and who is Satan? And is 'e made of strings?
2013. A mark to lead astray danger. 2013 a release.
2013. a year to love Jesus Christ and Krishna too.
Sometimes I wonder. . . How much do they want me to hide? How many thoughts do they want me to cover up when I am around? Do they honestly think I sit in stillness when I lie? Why can't we be friends based on what we share and not what we share exclusively?
I dream of an Olympia where people actively try to join different social groups together.
These thoughts. well. not everyone cares about what you care about. But I am very nice. I think about the power of blood a lot. I see it as this epic metaphor.
I will find out what it is in the power of blood that does these things:
makes me feel like something cosmic is going on when I bleed
romantic spiritually connected feeling
also has the power to make people never really try to be with me again (scares people away?)
what if blood is like a test? a filter?
I fell in love twice this year. I FELL in love I don't think that's the same as Loving someone, or being in Love, or learning to Love unconditionally.
Both times I fell in Love it seemed clear it wasn't real. Not based in 'reality'. Not matching with what was really there. But it made me wonder? Really, when does it? Love is like a new creation, a thing of its own. The thing is, both these people, who I hardly know, I feel I will love forever. I feel like I will always love them when I see them. I won't always be attracted to them, I won't always feel safe around them (bec. I don't really know them on this life), but i would spare my time for their benefit, I would feed them, I would nurse them if they were sick, I would give them gifts, alllto maybbe maybbe it iS real... all towards the allusion that we were very close in past life or a future one. That I am, like a curse, connected to forever.
Because it is a curse to know how close two seemingly random souls are. It takes a lot of maturity, patience, responsibility to try to leave those people alone while you try to tame your Lioness down, from straight up pouncing on them.
It is a chore for me, to learn how to Love others, by letting them go.
Perhaps, this new inquiry into Blood & Ritual will help me. Don't think this is WEIRD and CREEPY.
This is real. This is our histories. This is US. We come from sacrifice. We know we don't have to kill now. What does this mean? We come from Blood.
No blood spillt or lost. We Love you forever.
(a message from Nur)
I love you forever. No matter how far you travel away from me I will love you for eternity. and as I knew you before you were born, I will continue to dance in our bones, called Earth, called Fire.
One day I'll figure out how to show you so when I say HI! on the street you know, hey, it's me Nur and we've known each other for a looong time. And we Both LOve eahc other forever
...
but i'll have to make a neat painting or write the right poem or play the right song for you to notice me
through my mesh of teeth and bones
to your face
i kiss you with each breath
just like my family.
happy 2nd day! happy 2nd year! For the very second time!
blood articles:
http://chemistry.about.com/cs/5/f/blbloodcomp.htm
What is the composition of blood?
Blood consist of cellular material (99% red blood cells, with white blood cells and platelets making up the remainder), water, amino acids, proteins, carbohydrates, lipids, hormones, vitamins, electrolytes, dissolved gases, and cellular wastes. Each red blood cell is about 1/3 hemoglobin, by volume. Plasma is about 92% water, with plasma proteins as the most abundant solutes. The main plasma protein groups are albumins, globulins, and fibrinogens. The primary blood gases are oxygen, carbon dioxide, and nitrogen.
keywords to research:
red blood cells
white blood cellls
plasma
hemoglobin
http://www.ausetute.com.au/blood.html
Oxygen Transport
[nur note: I have the means to figure this out. In my own way. I mean I didn't study organic chemistry for nothing. have you heard me speak of a fractal-like introsepction? that's what i'm best at.]
http://www.jstor.org/discover/10.2307/2808834?uid=3739960&uid=2129&uid=2&uid=70&uid=4&uid=3739256&sid=21101489563583
interesting Jstor article: this one seems the most legit for my micro-cosmic research
TOTALLY LEGIT ARTCLE read for free here:
https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B3xweHqL800-RWI1S3F5a2FHanc
Let's take a minute here to embrace.
.
.
.
Now. What's so cool about second year? Second year is the second chance to do everything you didn't do but wanted to in the 1st year of the Great Transformation. 2013 is the year for new beginnings, the year to embrace your fears, to let go of shame, to be yourself even in the other children mock you and never ask you any questions about who you are ever, to stop breaking boundaries, to break more boundaries, to hold windows open in Winter, to make love to the earth, to find out our histories based in blood and breath, to discover the true story of Lucifer, and who is Satan? And is 'e made of strings?
2013. A mark to lead astray danger. 2013 a release.
2013. a year to love Jesus Christ and Krishna too.
Sometimes I wonder. . . How much do they want me to hide? How many thoughts do they want me to cover up when I am around? Do they honestly think I sit in stillness when I lie? Why can't we be friends based on what we share and not what we share exclusively?
I dream of an Olympia where people actively try to join different social groups together.
These thoughts. well. not everyone cares about what you care about. But I am very nice. I think about the power of blood a lot. I see it as this epic metaphor.
I will find out what it is in the power of blood that does these things:
makes me feel like something cosmic is going on when I bleed
romantic spiritually connected feeling
also has the power to make people never really try to be with me again (scares people away?)
what if blood is like a test? a filter?
I fell in love twice this year. I FELL in love I don't think that's the same as Loving someone, or being in Love, or learning to Love unconditionally.
Both times I fell in Love it seemed clear it wasn't real. Not based in 'reality'. Not matching with what was really there. But it made me wonder? Really, when does it? Love is like a new creation, a thing of its own. The thing is, both these people, who I hardly know, I feel I will love forever. I feel like I will always love them when I see them. I won't always be attracted to them, I won't always feel safe around them (bec. I don't really know them on this life), but i would spare my time for their benefit, I would feed them, I would nurse them if they were sick, I would give them gifts, alllto maybbe maybbe it iS real... all towards the allusion that we were very close in past life or a future one. That I am, like a curse, connected to forever.
Because it is a curse to know how close two seemingly random souls are. It takes a lot of maturity, patience, responsibility to try to leave those people alone while you try to tame your Lioness down, from straight up pouncing on them.
It is a chore for me, to learn how to Love others, by letting them go.
Perhaps, this new inquiry into Blood & Ritual will help me. Don't think this is WEIRD and CREEPY.
This is real. This is our histories. This is US. We come from sacrifice. We know we don't have to kill now. What does this mean? We come from Blood.
No blood spillt or lost. We Love you forever.
(a message from Nur)
I love you forever. No matter how far you travel away from me I will love you for eternity. and as I knew you before you were born, I will continue to dance in our bones, called Earth, called Fire.
One day I'll figure out how to show you so when I say HI! on the street you know, hey, it's me Nur and we've known each other for a looong time. And we Both LOve eahc other forever
...
but i'll have to make a neat painting or write the right poem or play the right song for you to notice me
through my mesh of teeth and bones
to your face
i kiss you with each breath
just like my family.
happy 2nd day! happy 2nd year! For the very second time!
blood articles:
http://chemistry.about.com/cs/5/f/blbloodcomp.htm
What is the composition of blood?
Blood consist of cellular material (99% red blood cells, with white blood cells and platelets making up the remainder), water, amino acids, proteins, carbohydrates, lipids, hormones, vitamins, electrolytes, dissolved gases, and cellular wastes. Each red blood cell is about 1/3 hemoglobin, by volume. Plasma is about 92% water, with plasma proteins as the most abundant solutes. The main plasma protein groups are albumins, globulins, and fibrinogens. The primary blood gases are oxygen, carbon dioxide, and nitrogen.
keywords to research:
red blood cells
white blood cellls
plasma
hemoglobin
http://www.ausetute.com.au/blood.html
Oxygen Transport
[nur note: I have the means to figure this out. In my own way. I mean I didn't study organic chemistry for nothing. have you heard me speak of a fractal-like introsepction? that's what i'm best at.]
http://www.jstor.org/discover/10.2307/2808834?uid=3739960&uid=2129&uid=2&uid=70&uid=4&uid=3739256&sid=21101489563583
interesting Jstor article: this one seems the most legit for my micro-cosmic research
TOTALLY LEGIT ARTCLE read for free here:
https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B3xweHqL800-RWI1S3F5a2FHanc