sorry bunny

sorry bunny

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

time takes time

sitting her in the Oregon college of Oriental Medicine
I feel blessed to breathe
hearing train and rumblings so loud i can't hear birds or the voice on the other line when the phone calls start coming in
there is no rain.
Unlike other feelings and other times I tremble beautiful
i become train and ride train and ride cloud
i love seasons
i love when things fall
and fall apart
i love friction
bringer of rebellion into this calm world
not a poem, mind you. just a plan.
or maybe they are already open to the shivering knoby knees of time and place
mine, all knocked up, ruddy
with a hint of mint
in my bones from the past
mother's calling to cut some leaves
and the Leifs a pleasant dream of
i am so grateful
so grateful i will go home and work
and work
and work
and work
and oh how i love to work.

we are so dreamy.

Friday, March 22, 2013

i am a faery

ui have soooooo much energy that i just dont know what to do with
and i need a metal shop
or a piece of clay

i need a piece of clay.
that's it.

a piece of clay.

that's it a piece of clay.

a piece of clay.


what does it eman to be a faery?
it means

i have no idea what it means

other than

im super shiny?

the end.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

if i dont write ill die

sad mother fucker yelled at all her friends
"go away! you are beneath me! i am even dirt."

there is a still weather shiver in the bellow of my belly that is dead. there was a hope i killed when it tried to fly.

So. Maybe it's not okay. To Tell off a few folk.s.

we run it coarse round here tho.

mmm. Hey I dunno what's been all happening. It seemed like for the first time I roared (reference to Twilight: Los Angeles, 1992) it came out all black it was like, Mawakk Cough Cough Gross disgusting a ittle bloody on the ground by the fern and the bus stop.

Monday, March 11, 2013

tears a tit a bit don't ya think?

very much so. confused. all together sane. stripping. bark and posters up far too long. never did like the word "I" but finding it easier to disfragment from my speech.
finding all art to be useless.
it doesn't inspire me anymore it makes me choke and vomit.
but here i am in Olympia.
where all art seems devoid of hope.
and beauty.
where art seems to be projecting its ideals and egos on top. there never was anything beneath.

horn sounds and brass.
hiding in the bedroom.

im not sure. Olympia is where you make and lose best friends.

i'm not sure what i'm scared of.
i suppose im scared of leaving the us even though i feel like I dont want to be here. another part of me really wants a very simple life for now.
because it feels like so much is happening at once. and it's just the metaphor of not wanting to do drugs anymore.

like a whole closet of clothes that you don't want anymore.

deciding not to have many boundaries.

not really wanting or knowing how to stay in touch with people becaus eof not really knowing how to stay in touch with people.

belle & sebastian is comforting.
thinking about living at home is comforting. being close to new york.

I don't know.
Only if I drove there.

what if they are right? There is some void?
I am not sure.
some chronic fatigue of the mind.
sadness and depression. losing your lover over and over again.
not being able to go home. because home is where you are punished for being yourself.
can't stay here because staying here is a constant struggle. constant series of emotional difficulties.
 not entirely certain.

the thing is.
i can't live off of debt. forever,

dull deluge fade out to white ruffles of ocean beach

the thing is i can't help but not give a fuck. in the way that you just aren't supposed to not give a fuck and maybe really.

scary scary.
this is nt the right path for  me...?

can we go back to massage school plans?




not just wrrying to make plans
just worrying to pay rent

this blog has gotten out of hand. i can't imagine it helps anyone to understand me better. especially since with these deep beats "shorty has an  undeveloped complex"

maybe in the future THIS WITCH WONT BE BURNED

no army dreamers.
oh what a waste.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

nur update

mother fuckin new orleans
spring break 2013!

then easter in Athenssss

hellz yeah

i missed the pl;ane

i cancelled the trip

i got read sad and had to dip


Wednesday, March 6, 2013

thoughts on stuff and stuff balh

hey dudes

how can colorful words be bloodless?

love to you.

love, nur

these words blind fall
into hands open
holding pin-fuls of memory
drank like honey wine
dandelion wings
find hope in new trees

new or leans

athens georgia

plans, here i come
to see warm days
brother mother brother    and friends
in the warm belly
fantasy meet ageing queen
and burgeoning queer
tragically displaced
and falling footing used to make grace
into large swooping movements
of dance

take off pants
turn on pants
have no pants

run naked through the wind and rain
once again
when i can do it alone
i think once once again i will
be hands held in cold but warm cayenne pepper flow
and darkness will never again have a grasp on me from behind the throat.
cost for the coat less
and hope for the hopeless
hope fiend monster fingers drawn. down.

i love you so much it hurts but every time i keep doing it it hurts less

i believe in you.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013


as if in uffish thought he GOT UP HELLA EARLY AND ORBITTED THE TOWN

well.. really let a lot of jealousy/attachment with my environment people etc go this past weekend.
i am so high on life . i pretty much just dont kno what to do.
my main objective is to work for at least 3 hours at Last Word Books today.

some cool things: apparently thr Univerxse really is validating my desire to study acupuncture.
is really nice to me, even tho I freak out a LOT and get angry
helps me get through fear (my friends helped me get back $550)

woah. im extremely tired.

Sunday, March 3, 2013


i don't really understand why i just cried at amazing poetry
why i am avoiding getting to know someone (prolly cuz its easier to believe someone is attacking you rather than them being a friend)
like, why i can't accept affection, unless im delivering it
why i prolly wont be able to let you cuddle me

other than,
im so godmaned scared of actually experiencing love and acceptance
its just hard for me to accept.
that its out there.

it's just so much easier.
to believe that  being different is an attack.

on my personal freedom.

to make love.

to really make love.

and i just want to hide and find some good food and cats.

i'll never be a good palestinian girl i'll never be

mother fucker father
British Isles my ass forgtten

slip this rung under my tongue

cut my heart

bleed from all sorts of holes




please fuck me.

please just get it over with and fuck me i am not sure.
joy is sunshine.
and hugs.
and abuse.. is just so attractive,
that.. would you mind if i cried while we did it?
I really love being graphic.

really love to relive catastrophes that have evolved out of existence.

i am in no way brown. i am in no way white. i REFUSE to hide my identity.
i refuse to lie down.
i refuse to be anything.
i refuse to conform to these social mores.

fuck yr good behavior.
fuck yr anarchy.
fuck you.

fuck me.

fuck my good behavior.
fuck my exhibition.
fuck me.

They asked, Was it a Fever at birth that made yr eyes so big?
I yelled, No it was yr white dominant oppressive culture.

it was the way in which breath was held below voice and mumbling
so casually stated ignorance

it was.
i can see through yr flesh.
it was.

y. saw the anger it came red through my chest,
then white and blue.
love that noise.

no more sin.

shirt comes off.

i just want to. (please if you are a family member this is like the spot where you should probably stop reading)

get fucked by a white man who wants to dominate over me and tell me i'm childish for wanting honesty.

i just want

i just want to


BREATHE. actually. actually really i just want to breathe and pretend i dont notice that your shirt came off as i took the oxygen in. i was looking down...

 somehow it's all wrapped together. this broken heart. this far away land. this broken family. these loose wires. this cosmic memory. this angel birth.

[this sullen desire to be wrapped in someone's arms and shook "it'll be alright. you don't have to carry this bridal burden alone"]

I believe you are all trying.
All I asked for. Was to be allowed to sing.
At tops of trees. Sing like a bird, but you wake up and the sun in your eyes, you CAW at the Lord my God in the form of a Stellar Jay squak.

in the form of.
a white man.
learning how to love without attachment.
and a nice lady.
who cuts the slack,
until we are all free.

i'm not perfect. i don't know how to express myself when i can see how brilliant blue her eyes are in my head,
i have so- anger.
Anger fuck damn shit.. um... eat  my shorts.

look. neither y. nor Nur.
will be able to overcome the abstract turnings of a

I'll just try my hardest.
Can we just agree?
That we'll both try our hardest to ourselves be free?

and what does that mean.

ya know.

live the dream.

dont shoot bullets in peoples faces
embrace destiny.
sometimes let children tell you what to do.
support one another in solidarity.

because God I came from a desert mountain.
and I came down.
to fuck. shit. up.

and THATs why it's gonna be okay.
because i WILL tear down yr patriarchy.
and i WONT put up with bullshit.
 in whatever way i can when i can where i can how i can
in time.
with twine thorns THOR and ROSES

disturbing audio: better than genetics