sorry bunny

sorry bunny

Saturday, March 31, 2012

today all eyes wind-like

today like a snare through the breze
i walked around like a queen
slowly calculatedly and pregnant to
new beginnings
and dead sea to old endings
dried up in that salty spring
that i will leave behind for the fearies

climbing embedded in my muscles
no longer spreading recklessly
i am ready once again to try ecstasy in the form of breath and flying

no longer dead weight
but still alone and quiet
because i love the way the air breathes us in
and the spinning sounds of widging electrical sparks

no more of the fuck you fuck you fuck you. silly, right?

projected binaries dismiss themselves
and the world still spinning


and chest opens up form from cave, now you know whatever it is when you turn your stomach inside out to eat food like starfish do....
the rapture called and said, "hey nur. what is the deal yo."
nur said, "honestly it's not like i haven't been tryin' but seriously i just walk around confused every day. like life has no purpose. belittling my sense of direction at every turn."
"ah. circles," said the rapture, and fell down in donut holes.

San francisco makes me feel backwards motion. Hills. Backwards mind metal. It seems like... I have to reconsider my whole existence. Up and downs to existential crisis.
Sculpture making lumps with my hands, is simple & divine.
All else seems like trash and falls disappointed when it hits the can.
I don't think I want to sit and talk to people anymore. I don't want to learn people. I cannot be learned. It feels. Real, holographic bullshitters. I dunno. Sriously and I've known this for a long time. I just want to touch people and not say anything ever.
I just want to touch bodies and touch tools and touch instrument s and keep my mouth shut.
But through the mouth is one of the ways we breathe.
Blast off.
Another courtesy call to the sky and disconnected strings lingering, not falling away. Shreds, pieces of the past. Stray threads. In a moment of dillusion as the weaving takes place. Process imagines. Patterns all the same re-emmerging. My mother whose mother. My nails whose fingers. That linger there a little too long or not long enough. Time monsters. Slow and fast people. WOVEN TOGETHER.
Godamnit. where am I?

Okay. Back to the circus regime.

the put the hands on things plan.

put the hands on things and stand away plan.
as the backfire plans explode.

gracefully you learn to draw it up with your hands in the air. Because you are a bird. And you are that much smarter than everyone who is also you.

And that thing. The ticking one. The time tocker. Tickles you. Reminds.RE-MINDS you.

meditative and all is not lost.

much beautiful weavings on your skin,

makign such beautiful music.

enough to make a single man cry after his soul dies from moving too fast, or too slow.

matters not either way.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

wandering psychic confused

wandering psychic cnfused'       blurts out bakes like bikes and backs like beaks
bores out teeth, bores down minds, is .   a. bore.    .    . ...  sometimes. (sheepish grin)

hi. it's me again. nur scared speaking. hello. i love you. but sometimes... I FEEL IT. WHAT IS THAT? What is that I think it's the most nonsensical thing ever. Every====== ONe=======EVery=======THING=====is+++++LOVE===========

i'm scared nur says. what are you scared of nur asks. nur says, i'm scared of my own feelings. it feels bad to feel so much and also feels bad to doubt and degrade my feelings so i dont feel them. well that's simple! nur says feel your feelings as hard as they come, and let them go. neither doubt or uphold them as godly, when as you know doubt is from fear, and there is no fear in love, and to hold something above as being moremore more more more anything, is actually removiing divinity from the equation, leaving the equation balanced.
what are you talking about, nur says. and nur nods her head. she feels scared. both nur and nur feels scared.
and nur kneels down and says,
yes, it is scary to express your feelings
whether they be strong or weak
remember the world we dreamed of
and that you are living in it
living it

you can also
remove self-doubt

(there there)

believe in your love
and that you are growing
but dont blindly follow
dont follow at all
where is your heart?
inside, inside.

what does that mean?

it means, you'll figure it out.
for now. love your self. freely ( breathe in)
(breathe out)

give freeedom to all
no need to want or wait

new blog style: food list for yer oc dness

1 americano & almond milk
(last night: 1 shot of whiskey, 1 modelo, 1 pbr, 1 40 (for afternoon picnic), some sips of a four loco, etc. well it is summer right?)

SPRING BREAK!!!!! woooo

Oh my god it's spring break rules and we  shit ourselves like 7 time last night
Ro Co Co Co rockin
the shocker

all to the hizaa to the hella
ache-in back slopes
rampant ski resort business
are you going?
have you gone?
i'm not in class and I can write asgain!

this nonsense dribble i love so much
slush outta my mouthness
druel. gruel. school... ehhhh forget about that last one.

have i served my indentured attitude?
i think so. I'm 25 and I've been in school since i was2.

ack mmm.

as lilacs
on the sidewalk
scream like carrots
orange and the SHIT STILL WONT STOP coming out

i'm alive
and thank God
this world is so beautiful
and this is how I express it because i am beautiful
and you are beautiful

and i just want to share my love
like pop soda cans on the asphalt
with you

we can crush them hard
so good to be so physsical
climb trees love can do
scrape your head
bang some tree


bow down tot he lord
they love you so much
down to the river
river loves you
river wept a whole ocean

for you
him her we
us    all.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

"first of all- fuck you. second of all, you said you'd help me clean the meat."

Sunday, March 18, 2012

days to come and before

yesterday: performance piece, meat suit, etc.
today: turned in photo portfolio, I'm a photographer
tomorrow: tying up loose ends


goood morning

i love you.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

deatr class
deter clause

D.E.T. eat HER

dear matter,
your value is paved in gold, is lost, is money
dear standard teacher of your standard, 4 dollars is cheap for your time
i still have to pay rent'
i'm still angry

i want to WORK HARD for the money
my mind is dim, i must work very hard to make the money
while working, I will motivate myself with thoughts of paying more months of rent
with thoughts of buying more drinks of alcohol
with thoughts of bumming less cigarettes
with thoughts of getting paid for my most fufilling work

but its alla  joke and it is very clear
cause my heart hurts
so deep

i feel awfulling crazy and there is lots of pressure i can't do well enough, or pay the bulls
bills, uh, er yeah them.

no bills
they ask me
i pay up

one sewing machine enough to have to

when one can't

explain why

they feel like a monster

the money symbols treated like a form of social exchange yet suffocating
so suffocating

out with he animals !
and the disease.

you're gone.


Monday, March 12, 2012

every night coffin

every night coffin is my arms bound to my chest
every night coffin is holding so still
tight   tense shudder
every night coffin bones become flesh
every night coffin, the funeral dirge is the rumbling breath from the cavernous leaky lungs
every night coffin is my body
every night coffin so stiff
so hardened heart
every night i lay into a coffin made of my own bones, and muscles held so tightly so i cannot move in sleep or dream, and die, waking unconscious, stepping to regain balance before i fall
every night coffin is every night funeral
is every night
is rock hard back
is holding burdens
things you do not want to plant like seeds
or let the wind carry
every night coughing in a coffin made of two hands crossing
and pulling up on them bones

to stretch nowhere

and it's cold in there, wet, and i can't breath
as my heart sinks
bury myself alive

every night coffin is somewhere to be when you have nowhere to go
a good place to survive
in stillness
so stiff-still
the quiet stack of death

and i wake up out of breath, need coffee, emerge from coffin, having barely survived
and that is my reward for daylight
and yes so over-dramatical
but so
stiff and sore my muscles grow and become armor
to build a stronger every night coffin