It is noon, I've been up for 4 hours. I go to bed at around 9pm. Yesterday I rode 20 miles or more on my bike and my butt really hurts. I am frustrated today. Very frustrated since I woke up. And had dreams about my two kittens Antoine-atron and CombuleCombule TumTum that I gave unto the wood spirits to take care of, and of my dear Azrael whom I miss like the fountain of youth I once knew.
I also had another dream in which this girl whom I no longer feel comfortable around tried to explain herself, but the dream ended before she cold explain anything. I take this as meaning she has no explanation for herself, and that I should continue avoiding her. Unfortunately, her like another, I can't get out of my head. I hate how I have to think about her all the times, in my dreams, in my day dreams, this fear, this threatening face guides all my emotions and actions, which to me are one in the same.
I can only hope one day the joy I find in my own personal illcommunicable mental processes will be able to become as creative as the art i see swirling all around me done by friends and husbands who paint and play music.
I want to learn to love myself more.
Dear Nur,
Please do not run away again today.
Love,
Nur
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