to lucy and lazers

a least there is that.

a hat for me hanging on the coat rack when i come home, take my shoes off, and enatly tuck them away into the corner next to the others.

push the shoes up against the wall... covers up the cat litter container with my urine in it from when i was afraid to go to the bathroom in the dark.

from when i was afraid from when i was afraid from when i was

just beginning! she said with a grin, "am i a girl a boy? there ARE only two choices."

hairs split to remind her, those were just words. and that question is not easily answered. because the body hangs around like a ghost, i fall to remember my face. i scream, touching my tears with my blindess to my wrinkles.

"am i old? am i old yet? am i disappeared on these steps?'

just another crackhead(?) winding down for the night on my front porch while i sleep above them deep in dream-sleep, waking occasionally to the tossing and turning of a never-settled mind... and as I wake, the sounds of muttering and anger-plans and requests to ladies who have something better to do... comfort me in my alone time, unlike the lantern and the blanket, the small couch i sleep on, the blinds. they do nothing.

the street lamps though noxious make me feel not so alone. the cackling. the intimate conversations on the street-side. the smoker's pull to the outside air. is my air. is what all i breathe.

and in the morning i try to figure my way through the lock of space and time i've got myself into.

is this a business?

are we in it. to win it?

not gone.

still breathing.

i beg for something to touch my bones so my hands do not go flailing another night across some fae's chest to grab onto a single heart beat.

no matter how much i love you. (the you-know-who-) i cannot stumble blindly through fogs of retreat.

for i have been to the forest

you see.

and i have tasted of the berries, you see.

and i have stepped in the muddy moss.

and i know what it feels like to grow.

and my funeral so over

i forgot, and at this moment remembered, i was re-born.

but now i remember that i had forgotten.

so what will tomorrow or tonight be like now?

i can believe. it is all new.

if i wanna.