Can I still be a whore who loves her lovers with the deepest thoughts and palpitations known yet to her? No I guess not. Thanks a lot slyly conservative upbringing... WHO am i fighting against? Myself, myself, myself...

I've been matching all your faces to new ones. New voices are old again, familiar, though revised. I met a John Wagner and a Gabe, I've met people I know and will never know. They are just replacements for the comfort I seek within myself and the liberation I try to aim at every day. Like stuffed animal buddies.

Speaking of animals, Lupita had her kittens yesterday evening, 2 black, 2 black and white swirls, one completely white one. I think I'm crazy. That means 8 kittens now. Cats. The most I've ever had. Oh well. Cute furry animals are essential when you are in a phase of relationg to them mroeso than your human counterparts.

Mostly I'm tired of fighting. Every second of the day that I don't live alone seems like a chore. I get nervous just at the sight of someone I've met before. Really I should stop pretending I want to have friends so bad and do fun stuff like walking places and jumping on things. because this Nur here is slow calculated afraid and cautious. Strapped onto my own backpack, a box in a box in a box in a box. I've never been so socially confused worried and anxious. Half of the time it feels like I'm trapped, clautrophobic, And other times just like I'm getting to watch this very fabulous and interestion memoir I just caught on tv.

Hello Goodbye. Another try today?