love is a lake

Dear God,

I am sad today because I haven't gotten better and this thing called attachment stares me in the face. I am very happy. I deliver sweet smells and kisses to your doorstep. I don't remember love, but if Love was once forgetting who you are or how you began to feel a certain way, then Love is not real.
I am crying.
Love must be real, but Love must also be peace for it to be real. They are all attached arn't they? It seems.
It seems as if they are. But some of them are very good at hiding it. But I can't tell and I can't Clel and so I don't really know. Some fast Some things slow.

Dear Lord,

I love you so much and the way in which you put me on my path delights me so very much. I give myself the peace to be and do nothing. How much i love your silky ways. I love them. I love them all the same. I seek structure and not chaos. I seek healing. because the only thing stopping me is my pain and suffering. My fear. My hopes My loud lousy Mother's voice in the back of my head, "You messed up. You drank. You lost. You faded. You didn't do so well today. Try better." What do you know of me? You hear my thoughts but you forget I bleed and I love so well and I hug so hard and all I want to do is be alone inside myself bones dear ones that do not drop and keep form. Beloved form. Beloved lines. Beloved layers. All I need is to love you like my life depended on it.

AND IT DOES.