spiggot

Days that i don't feel like writing, you are still supposed to write. I have no important thoughts.

Get the juices flowing.. so I am going to write my thoughts and document them here like I have been for 15 years...

At least I have a document, this blog, of all my thoughts, and you can tell as they have a lot of repetitive themes and often use the same exact phrases, that indeed it is a rough approximation of ALL of them.

so here are random thoughts, and I am just letting my fingers move so they never lose muscle.

1) How to get a guy to be careful about getting you pregnant? Just act like a) you kind of don't care that much b) tell them about your normal amount of past pregnancies and c) make sure to include some fact about your own fertility... 

2) how to be alone in your own bed... move all the people to their own beds.. But First obtain all the other beds over a period of a year to make sure they are there, fill them with soft pillows and fabrics. the people will first have to be familiar with seeing a bed they could potentially sleep in, and then gradually over a long period of time they will.. occasionally leave you alone.

3) How to separate from someone you are supposed to be in love with and have a child with.. First, make sure you live next to your Mom. Even if your Mom is incredibly difficult to be around as my Mom would say, in her Palestinian english accent... "If but a hair connects you two, do not cut it." ...... there are a lot of others steps including ... finding a best friend for your soon-to-be-ex and extra points if that person is also your ex. Make it look real. They don't need to know you plotted their friendship out to make sure they would have one person who really understood. Find a job that will allow you to be financially independent AND take care of a child... Make sure your child goes to a school you really like and if you fail the first year, don't worry your pretty little heart about it, because the slower the process is.. the better the chance that your maimed and stepped on bleeding heart will have more time to recover from the thing behind the wall... THE WALL! and THE THING BEHIND the WALL! Don't look just now... Just wait until Your child goes to a good school and you have a good job and then... and then.. and then... Just wait... Until, Oh you won't need that kitchen knife... here is a candle and as you are waiting for the umbilical cord of your previous union to dry up and shrivel.. you can help it along with a flame.

4) Distance yourself from your best friends who do not pay enough attention to you

5) Go to the water

6) Burn the candle at the Santeria store.

7) After the initial period of reckless behavior, and emotional distance, start calling your friends.

8) Call one friend a day...

9) make play 

10) eat sandwiches naked

11) brush your teeth after drinking coffee

12) slowly slowly slowly pull your skin over your eyes, back again, over

-------hide this blog entry, turn away from you exhibitionism------

I don't know if I am better

but I know my fingers are moving

when stillness is raw

and I cannot stop 

taking plant medicine

because it seems the only ones who can help me

would have to be divine