forgetting back pain

It may creep. Layers may be leading as they tug from corners in every direction. Imagine it is the softest fabric. Transparent and smooth. I picture navy blue as I pull it over my face. Grey Gardens influenced imagery. I cover up my face so you can't see my wrinkles. Everyone in this town is 20 and I don't want them to know how old I am. Racing to be famous. Slow yourself down and remember: you can have anything you've ever wanted.

I want to have enough inner motivation to plant my garden, to feed from it. I picked seeds all dragon themed, so as to intent the fire into my belly. The red fire and flying beast sweeps down and burns unnecessary dreams. I find my missing tooth in the dirt dried by the sunlight of my circle garden.

I want to have a partner, one that won't leave me when I get angry or scared. Because, I know, I get more angry and more scared than anyone else you know who is: a girl / 5 feet tall / and with such boyish locks. because I know that for some reason, I was born with the face of fear inscribed onto my bones. It can be scary, for me to. Oh. Help me Quell these violent fires.

I want a baby. So we can grow up in an unconditioned world. So my baby can experience the joy of being a little more free. And some simple wishes, to ride bikes down the street, to make friends with the community and not feel like an outsider all the time, no more ant eggs in the mailbox or weird middle eastern conflicts in the back of everyone's mind when they look at our lawn. Ah but her mother will conditioned... There's only so much we can. do. Still. A baby. her name will be Aziza (deer) or Mezo, I've heard others too. My womb feels heavy today.

And a spark yelped out as we stubbed his toe. He yelled, "Let loose and plants those seeds forget about the rest!"



I bought that spark, off ebay. I loved him. He never died. And we all got over that last cycle of tension. Now we're all better. or at least on the way.

<3