dunno

i don't really understand why i just cried at amazing poetry
why i am avoiding getting to know someone (prolly cuz its easier to believe someone is attacking you rather than them being a friend)
like, why i can't accept affection, unless im delivering it
why i prolly wont be able to let you cuddle me

other than,
im so godmaned scared of actually experiencing love and acceptance
its just hard for me to accept.
that its out there.




it's just so much easier.
to believe that  being different is an attack.

on my personal freedom.

to make love.

to really make love.








and i just want to hide and find some good food and cats.