tears a tit a bit don't ya think?

very much so. confused. all together sane. stripping. bark and posters up far too long. never did like the word "I" but finding it easier to disfragment from my speech.
contrarian.
finding all art to be useless.
it doesn't inspire me anymore it makes me choke and vomit.
but here i am in Olympia.
where all art seems devoid of hope.
and beauty.
where art seems to be projecting its ideals and egos on top. there never was anything beneath.

horn sounds and brass.
flute.
hiding in the bedroom.


im not sure. Olympia is where you make and lose best friends.

i'm not sure what i'm scared of.
i suppose im scared of leaving the us even though i feel like I dont want to be here. another part of me really wants a very simple life for now.
because it feels like so much is happening at once. and it's just the metaphor of not wanting to do drugs anymore.

like a whole closet of clothes that you don't want anymore.

deciding not to have many boundaries.

not really wanting or knowing how to stay in touch with people becaus eof not really knowing how to stay in touch with people.

belle & sebastian is comforting.
thinking about living at home is comforting. being close to new york.

I don't know.
Only if I drove there.



what if they are right? There is some void?
I am not sure.
some chronic fatigue of the mind.
sadness and depression. losing your lover over and over again.
not being able to go home. because home is where you are punished for being yourself.
can't stay here because staying here is a constant struggle. constant series of emotional difficulties.
 not entirely certain.







the thing is.
i can't live off of debt. forever,

dull deluge fade out to white ruffles of ocean beach


the thing is i can't help but not give a fuck. in the way that you just aren't supposed to not give a fuck and maybe really.

scary scary.
this is nt the right path for  me...?

can we go back to massage school plans?




alright?


eyes.


plans?




not just wrrying to make plans
just worrying to pay rent


this blog has gotten out of hand. i can't imagine it helps anyone to understand me better. especially since with these deep beats "shorty has an  undeveloped complex"


maybe in the future THIS WITCH WONT BE BURNED
DOWN



no army dreamers.
oh what a waste.