sorry bunny

sorry bunny

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

le petit mort

This episode brought to you by..... Hatred!

in the mind, "well it feels like something so uncomfortable so deep and also distorted that I just don't want to pull it out."

in my heart verbalized by the mind, "well it just hurts so much, well, it just feels like being sexually violated, well, it just hurts, i was never given any retribution, i was never validated, now it just sits and rots & smells like death."

rationally, "and it never stops, as long as they're around, i will be reminded of that one person who still thinks i am so disgusting, and I dont want to eb around disrespect. it makes me feel like i'm supposed to be treated with disrespect. it makes me feel less respect for myself. now i know that i don't have to do that.. but i dont know how not to feel i am the way that someone thinks i am. or rather, the way that I think they think i am."


Dvesha (Sanskrit) or dosa (Pali) is anger, hatred, animosity, ill-will, aversion.
[from http://viewonbuddhism.org/anger.html#heal]

If we examine how anger or hateful thoughts arise in us, we will find that, generally speaking, they arise when we feel hurt, when we feel that we have been unfairly treated by someone against our expectations. [i think that's basically true. whenever i love the one who hurts me, i feel vulnerable, i feel i cannot trust them without them hurting me again. i fear being 'loved' outwardly and being talked abotu behind my back, being betrayed, giving my love, my energy into a relationship and not getting anything back, false family love.]


However, if one has been treated very unfairly and if the situation is left unaddressed, it may have extremely negative consequences for the perpetrator of the crime. Such a situation calls for a strong counteraction. Under such circumstances, it is possible that one can, out of compassion for the perpetrator of the crime and without generating anger or hatred, actually take a strong stand and take strong countermeasures.
[this is what i wish to do. i wish to be strong and protect myself. i wish for there to be a way i can be strong recognizing the real behaviors i dislike, without judging.. or is it okay to judge? I want them to learn to realize in what ways they have hurt others, devalued their emotions, made them feel a loss of connection, been lied to for the sake of being nice!]

fuck this sack of pillow cover being nice
fuck this english morality to smile
i'll close my mouth and eyes
grey black seeps drips
with out toast and jam and with in
some way i'll find more than a ding, a ring from a bell
that reminds me of what justice is
am i asleep screaming in this dream?
no, we climb up top in dark times with lanterns and pathways
in the morning the sun rises to remind us of our true nature
heaven awaits inside our hearts
in rainbow sunrise
if we can repair this mangled blood all dirtied by these hands ...

The only factor that can give refuge or protection from the destructive effects of anger and hatred is the practice of tolerance and patience.

Question: "Where does hatred come from?"
Dalai Lama : "That is a question which requires long hours of discussion. From the Buddhist viewpoint, the simple answer is that it is beginningless. As a further explanation, Buddhists believe that there are many different levels of consciousness. The most subtle consciousness is what we consider the basis of the previous life, this life, and future lives. This subtle consciousness is a transient phenomenon which comes about as a consequence of causes and conditions. Buddhists have concluded that consciousness itself cannot be produced by matter. Therefore, the only alternative is to accept the continuation of consciousness. So that is the basis of the theory of rebirth.
Where there is consciousness, ignorance and hatred also arise naturally. These negative emotions, as well as the positive emotions, occur right from beginningless time. All these are a part of our mind. However, these negative emotions actually are based on ignorance, which has no valid foundation. None of the negative emotions, no matter how powerful, have a solid foundation. On the other hand, the positive emotions, such as compassion or wisdom, have a solid basis: there is a kind of grounding and rootedness in reason and understanding, which is not the case with afflictive emotions like anger and hatred.
The basic nature of the subtle consciousness itself is something neutral. So it is possible to purify or eliminate all of these negative emotions. That basic nature we call Buddha-nature. Hatred and negative emotions are beginningless; they have no beginning, but there is an end. Consciousness itself has no beginning and no end; of this we are certain."


now i die a little death to my hatred...
so my baby can be born a saviour
so my roses can grow patiently
while i allow myself the time to heave





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