hilo

what does it mean?
you can say or not say anything outloud
if it's okay with you... i may not be the same person from one minute to the next
but i can focus and be the same person right now


i don't know if i can establish any real relation with anyone. i feel really tossed up inside and now this blog will become private a whol year's earnings for my whole belly
which falls and slumps in sadness

i dont write when i am happpy or confused because I am busy being happy or confused
im supposed to write every day but i lose all the pen and paper



i think i hurt someone's feelings a lot
but they cover their feelings underneath a leather vest that is hard you cannot feel their bones
i am maybe making more of this than i need to
i am useless
insiognifican t crab lady

i am not a crab
i ambad lady
black hole lack hole lady
from afar


please. i only want to be unknown known unknown lack of empathy lady
please. i only want to run away.
i only want to run away.
and i have no where to go.

i have no where to go.
i stink in my filth
which i decorate with pretty colors lights and cats

i just want to be cut open while moving on the lawn
i took the vorpal blade in hand one two one two and through and through
i cut myself in half
lay digging on the sand for the structural integration
of a brain left yellowed by the sun
and bleached
and burned

by urine.

when i scartch my head I feel dirty.

one dirty fellow whose dirt drips as they move

one scared and shallow fella
one who wears wool and yella
one who scares the other fellas
away with the curse

if i could do a spell..
i would spell the word K-I-N-D
and try to re-imagine what it means
because right now I am B-L-I-N-D


i think i think i am the seed of disease

i am really scared all the time.

i should just stop talking about it.

i dont fit in.


or if i do

i wont fit in

thank you jesus.