One of the main deterrents to becoming vegan or vegetarian for me has been that I feel embarrassed to join others in what they are doing. So, even though i have experience making vegan foods, and already seek out vegan restaurants and food places, I feel embarrassed to hop on the bandwagon. Vegans can be pretty pretentious sometimes, and it almost feels like I'm not supposed to join their elitist club, but can be an ally on the outside.
Another example of this fear of conformity is when I am whistling and someone joins in with me. Although I greatly enjoy whistling or making sounds with anyone, the fear of doing something WITH someone, the embarrassment of now consciously and openly participating in something together... makes me feel scared to keep going.
It's like if you were dancing in the streets and someone came up and danced with you, it'd be awesome but then you'd be all, "Oh I guess someone saw me dancing."
So, I fear that vegans will be all protective of their own veganism.
BUT. That is changing. This past weekend I spent time around people who are not just vegan, but they tell you WHY they're vegan. They're vegan for reason of having compassion for animals, for feeling oneness with animal consciousness, and would like to END ALL SUFFERING.
Really, there is no better reason to stop killing or enslaving animals than for the reason of:
MAY ALL BEINGS BE HAPPY AND FREE OF SUFFERING.
(in my opinion)
I suppose the act of trying to eat vegan (this is day TWO), for me right now in my life, is like taking a hold of my right to do whatever I want. It now seems okay to have opinions that I believe in even if others agree with me, I am not as afraid of being like others. I learned this weekend, that being part of a group, doing things with others *which is fun* means letting go a bit of your own personal identity. It ALSO means being stronger in your identity, which is something I am working on.
It feels really good to not smoke a cigarette just because I see someone else doing so. Not to accept milk in my coffee (I haven't been drinking milk anyhow), just because I am afraid to ask for what I want.
It is liberating to not be afraid of going against the grain, and not being worried if I am pleasant enough for others. It's tHEIR CHOICE! I want people to be in harmony with one another, but if I am always acting like everything is okay all the time... when it isn't when I am a different body with different needs, then I will continue to get frustrated and upset at others when they FAIL me.
I cannot expect others to please me all the time, and in a way, conforming to others' preference is like holding on to the hope that we will both always please each other but what always ends up happening, is I feel like my sense of self is lost...
sometimes... I don't like the music you're playing and I don't want to be around it.
sometimes... I'm not going to eat anything because nothing you have is what I want.
sometimes... I'm going to say, "You bore me," instead of having a hissy fit about how much I should be entertaining myself.
Ultimately, I will have to entertain myself, walk away on my own, feed myself, play the music I like, but simply the act of expressly my preferences more truly will have /is having the effect of feeling okay about being the kind of person I AM and not the kind of person YOU ARE. and Ultimately that will help me let go and let you be the person you are, more freely.
So here are some of my own experiences:
Well... I've mostly not been drinking milk since I had a vision one morning driving back from my overnight shift working as a caretaker... I had dozed off in my car and woke up to the image of a Cow in a purple dress and golden crown. She was lifting her breast out of her dress and looked me right in the eye, very sarcastically she made a baby voice and whiningly said, "Awww... did you want some milk??" As if to say: Oh are you a baby too? Are you debase this queen and suck on her titties just cause you want some milk??
Also Ashley/Pearson had a dream once that there seven golden opalescent chickens and that they were godly beings asking them why they were eating their brothers and sisters.
I also personally recognize the suffering of any being to be a reflection of suffering of many beings... one thing does get me... what about plants?
I used to believe that since plants had equal consciousness and we needed to eat SOMETHING to survive, that eating plants was no different than eating animals, as long as you thanked the animal and appreciated its role as giving its life for food. But I suppose my worldview has become more practical. When you can see the pain in an animal and not in a plant when it is cut, when cutting and destroying a plant often causes it to speed up its reproduction process, when plants represent the highest evolved form, that is, they are very efficient making food from sunlight, water, and air, perhaps they are emotionally okay with being eaten, and have evolved to not feel pain or sufferring from it. How can you agree animals feel no pain after watching an animal IN pain? any animal? I feel it when people are in pain, why not animals...? Why not plants..? I am still not certain. But it "feels" like it is more accurate to care for the sufferring of animals than the potential suffering of plants. As well, it is obvious that most animal products are coming from the systematic enslavement of animals for food/products. Recall that once Black people were thought of as 'animals' in the same way.
Objects to be used and commodified.
Humans/Animals are not commodities for our society. I feel that acts against such a system are more aligned with my heart. I have a heart for others' pain, especially the pain that is routinely allowed with out much thought. Just as I am against abandoning children, ignoring friends and lovers, and helping the outside world before helping your family and neighbors.
If I can have the compassion to not participate in the killing and using of animal bodies, even though everyone does it and has been doing it for thousands of years, even though I feel embarassed that I am doing something other people do... it might help me have the compassion towards myself to stand up for my beliefs... or to others to respect their differences... and it might help people respect me more as some sort of chain reaction.
simply pythagorean.
much fear & love,
Nur
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