person person

dear person inside this outside person,

stop trying to communicate to people who don't care about you but who have built their life upon a mountain of obligations they don't really connect to. or maybe you just don't understand them. but please stop trying to write them letters. and crying. as if you could electronically send your tears.

dear person person,

it is very sad and i am upset at myself. that i cannnot stop feeling so strongly that i just hesitate. and nothing gets done. and i am erased. i start again.

i know i have mental illness. but i know that. i am stubborn. and i want to. do it my own way.

i feel sad.

and also there is other parts of me.


i wish i could talk to elizabeth because she understands these things

i am weary

something is messed up in my head, cause a fly could trigger this emotional reaction.

i know it has to do with being abandoned by my father when i was little.

i know this now.

this awful and false-seeeming reaction.

why i am i still twelve?

and i always give people advice, good advice too, and who can help me?
no one.
i can only help myself.


i wish i didnt cry for hours

yet.

i pre planned this mental breakdown, more than a year ago.

so i would have the freedom. to be this sad.

i still love you N. so, don't give up, just cause you don't understand why you feel so strongly about everything.

love to the zero
n.