lizzie the levy

i had a boyfriend he was made to die
shot the apple of his eye
hole in one
pie in the sky

i had a lover
laid her under
thought about touching her hands
her lips
and smile

so i prostrate on the ground drove a screw through my eye
Oedipus
complex

confusion for a non-conformist

severed my wrists
and placed them down
hoping soon they'd grow
and be found
by someone who i'd never know
by someone who i may never know
by someone who i never knew

by my open mouth and by my wound down wings
now a spinning doll, at least one that sings
when you wind me up i cannot stop
just like the earth's rotation
the things you'll never know
the language that is never spoken

all rhythms rhyme.
all lines divine.

because there are words you'll never know.

one open mouth that breathes,
a mind is an animalistic thing
i feed it celery
and water
and hope it'll never grow
taller
than my rooftop alter.

because i don't own a thing.
i am a fly.
am no where
like the golden ghosts that wait
on the edges of my toes
i dance over speckled bugs and rings
of designer fashion
orbits
and lit up parallelograms

the process is in the pudding and the pudding is all on my face
but when i lift my head at daybreak
stare into a mirror
and roar
I have fucking chocolate pudding all over my face.
and am proud.
or my place in this life.
i can be nothing else.
than my choices even the way i breathe.
with red on my face
i still do not change
so why not the most raw nonsense?

in autumn things will settle down.
another year will pass and i will still be here.
in my body.