sometimes

sometimes i feel crazy like what am i supposed to believe is real like im always trying to prove my existence to my environment.

more recently i have been having few and far between interchanges with a blue light who i first starting seeing when i felt that i was with child.
she came to me in a dream, and talked to me about waiting to be born with me. her face pale, her eyes a striking blue, her hair, blonde.
she extends from my belly. at times reflected on a wall, sometimes in dreams.
last time she told me she would be a messiah, and raise the dead from underneath the ground. ye, zombie new jesus.

some days ago she exiting beyond my belly and formed a wall between me and another person, formed a heart around us. i don't know why.

did she leave me?