mis measure

i'm not sure where i am and what i am i am not that robotic. i am human too. I feel somewhat in dis-spare tonight because my good friend is in opposition to me. and i can't think straight anymore. and its kind of cold in here. here is a cafe. here is by the moon. and i'm looking up a spell now to distract my mind from the motion of the table wobbling.

dots beckoning

placid flacid days gone and unmet
I'm sort of tired of winning. Often my solutions involve death. I love life and the sunshine. Someone get me out of here though. I love people and hate how disorderly everything is. I wish I could be in control all the time. I am aware I cannot.



and even though i didnt want to care i did
the music jingled i slumped i sighed and wished something else grew inside

messages lingered, a trail down my stomach. a nausea unsettled about to vomit.

i guess if i was pregnant somehow i would keep it.
i love a child i am a child.
like i dont but i do.
im a game a puzzle.
weird out. white out.
wood out. wiley ee I oh coyote.
we're not the same,
spread of choice

and though she rose she crowed. Like bird she dove into the sky. only to find many children, and no arms to link with. And we slept side by side because of not wanting each other. In the throne on a cloud. looking back, it must've all been a dream. A crazy dream, some crazy girl. Who drinks too much ANd curls her hair and throws chemical down the sink.

I'm so scared she cried. And I loved her. I am her husband her mother her lover. I am an eye. The ultimate Thang. The disgusting drink. The bland smoke. The ruffled arm-sweater sleeve. I forgot a breeze and now I all alone. Eye all alone. I go home the long walk. Because once I held a dream so hard in my hand, it stopped flying, and suffocated eventually. No actually after it suffocated it escaped. I hugged too hard. And I murdered love. Now love never wants me again. Unitil it says,
"Eye becomes You."

I become you, in me. Once what was a dream, now EYE sees, I see. Let go of me too. SO hard my bones a jail. So hard my ribs a cage. So hard my eyes a mirror for this panopticon prisnur.

sliver. And shiver.

signed, sealed, and delivered.

It's not okay. As I see it it closes. The mouth. His-her-me mouth. As full of eyes, it falls out, it eats looks, it smiles in theft of sight, it longs for lashes from a whip held by a guard who looks like your father. But not just your father, your baby's daddy, yourself, your lover of course. YOU WANT A LOVER WHO FUCKS YOU, OVER. DONT LOOK AT ME WHILE I LEAD YOU TOWARDS RAPING ME . Ms. Mr. Mrs. Debauchery. I make a fool of myself over and over and over again and it doesn't make sense. I felt or fee dead inside robotic, alive and real but from another planet. And sometimes I just want to kill myself so i don't have to be so different.



bye mom.