fear
not wanting to make mistakes
ptsd

now on SOYMILK:
reports are Out. Soymilk is hard to digest, inhibits production of major minerals, enzymes, and causes an imbalance to your endocrine system (phyto-estrogens). Okay so now what? What do I do? because my health research shows that milk has many contradictions to my health as well.. When I think about soy I have a line of thinking to help me process the decision to ingest it:
Is it fermented or sprouted?   [if YES, then I'll eat it!][NO?  --- hmmm...]
How does my stomach feel? Did I eat today? Do I feel stable? Do I feel like I already digested well today? [is YES then I might eat/drink soy.. but not in large quanities...]
In general though, pick rice milk, almond milk, hemp over Soy.


but what about the feminizing effects of soy?
Yeah. I totally wish my boobs were biggers... WHY? because I want to be seen as an adult. Basically.

as a tiny person mostly youre treated like a child
but when exhibit physical qualites strongly associtaed with fertility or adulthood, that changes.
try it. out.

 [nur: i am so scared. i am so scared of myself inside. i feel the curves of my skin referencing to the inner me. the one the old man told me to stop thinking about. and the inner person the inner bones. they writhe. i don't know if i like them . i am far away from my homeland. i miss something that never will have existed.]

yeah. there's reallyno way of hiding how much eye there is in me.