sorry bunny

sorry bunny

Friday, February 15, 2013

STORY BORED by nur

Julie stop smacking yourself! 
Her brain woke up. 
Julie stop drooling all over your collar! 
Jenny January Jewels genderly slips her finger from the corner to the roof of her mouth to the corner and underneath the side of her cheek. She feels the   wet   on the pillow and prays that sunlight made her smarter as she lifts her head from the soft crescent of two pillows converging.... Then squints on the light coming from the tele-strings of shine off the orb, and prays that she can be just like the others. If perhaps this world were more concerned with helping everyone feel better, truly better, more belonging, happier, smarter, well-fed, loved, cared for... Then maybe January wouldn't remove a small patch of skin daily to remind her that she can feel pain. A small patch of graph paper cut into a square glued over her arm. a MORNING OF ESCAPE IN WHICH THE SUNLIGHT MIXES WHITE WITH THE BLED CURTAINS AND THE SHEETS AND THE HEROIN AND EVERYTHING WAS WHITE WHITE WHITE WHITE. A small patch of skin daily. A small patch of grass removed on the lawn. Her eyes diverted. Here nor There.

She smacks herself on the cheek! Jimmy says you gotta write every day!
Jimmy says you gotta get out of bed, 
and she throws the covers off, hits a cat, catches the curtain  and in one feverish swiff of a loop brings open the whole window, DAYLIGHT.
MORNING.
godamnnit Jimmy says I have to write every day and it doesn't matter what does come out. oh the most terrible garble, you just write it down and soon enough.. You're a prince! or an Ass! Or the ass of the prince or the prince of an ass.. Well.....  I've got ideas! Wanna hear 'em Jules?


a girl walking down the street in a wandering path! and she's really cute and her hair is in buns and she's wearing a pink jumpsuit. Right when you think she's about to not notice you forever she turns around and smiles a thousand gems of rainbows in your teeth!

Umm... Um.... Um.

I wanna find the golden pathway place thing and times oh the time...

"Miss?"
"Yes'm?"
"Are you ready for the day?"
"No.. Not yet. I just woke up and I had the most confusing warm warm dreams."
...
...
"Mom?"
"hey."
"..Mom?" [she's confused it doesn't sound like her Mom's voice anymore...]
"It's me."
"Who?"
"yourself."
"Me?"
"yeah. I'm the you who's recovered from your childhood traumas."
"How'd I get around to doing that? Life just seems so busy like it won't ever stop. And I'm scared i can't catch up if i were to let go."
"well. I'm the you that let yourself go. I'm the you, I mean, the reason I sound like your mom, is because in a way I am your Mom..."
"Mom?"
"One Love Mom."
"mmhuh?"
"I loved you. I loved you. i took care of you. I took the time out for you. So we could grow together. How long did you want to be so dis- dis- dis- ids.. disJOINTED?"
"M...mmm... Are you getting mad at me?"
"No.. no. Just passionate."
"So you're a me that did something different in the past?"
"I'm the you that is generated whenever you take care of yourself. Mom."
"So what?"
"Even though sometimes you may hurt yourself. Even though sometimes you are struggling to feel joyful joy joy joy happiness, even though you may rather be unconscious and not breathing while strange techno music is playing over your deathly body while some douche feels you up whilst glitter in your eyes as he mistakes you for a model but later realizes you are as ugly as tar, as the sin that large breasts create when folks DO cocaine in their SUVs in the parking lot.......Even though a thousand times you lay over-draft on the sidewalk at two in the morning. For every single infinitesimal moment you choose to love yourself. lay down your criticism. Pray to yourself. believe you exist... I exist. 
I represent that you that doesn't leave anyone behind and cuts everyone slack."
"The Me that sings lullabies at night so the monsters will go away..."



"Where do i go to grow up?"









"Dear Jules. The sad thing is you ARE grown up. You always have been."
"Have I always been 26 years old? AND this confused wandering around and running away, smacking my ass, and psycho analyzing the myriad of micro-expressions that are revealed when my mind can't Stop THINKING ABOUT BLEEDING GUTS.. bleeding emotions. bleeding fair weather.pull on my hair! I'M SICK.."
"You are the 26 year old fairy queen the 4 year old fairy queen. You sprite. You hard-laced woman. You small child. You boy of Green. You tree. You little vole. You cat who eats the vole. You rumble-rambler who digs their soles into the dirt and kicks up dust..."
"Me?.. Me? Me girl who drools (bones...).. Me person who is so small I become invisible. me person who shakes when her housemates make small and poking conversation. i feel like my whole face face face face world is melting and everyone could notice if I even for a millisecond stopped holding SPACE and TIME I bleed needles that keep me connected to you and everyone but also far enough away to hurt my own skin and.. JESUS."



"let me go. Where did you come from Where are you. Go away. It's really early. I gotta go downtown . i can't breathe. I need coffee. Let go. I have a bike now."

JULIE WON'T YOU REST YOUR HEAD
JULIE WON'T YOU FALL ASLEEP
JULIE WON'T YOU FORGET ABOUT THE PAST
BEFORE YOUR FUTURE DRAGONS HIT YOU UP THE ASS
SORRY BUT THE SODOMY POLICE ARE COMIN
TO A FUTURE- ONE IN WHICH YOU NEVER DISCOVERED
 THEM TIRED AND CRYIN' EYES RED - BLOODY
& SAT DOWN LONG ENOUGH TO TOUCH THEM TEARS FREE




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