I cannot really explain... how emotional it feels for me to watch the last person i was in love with, have a baby. Good thing though. We won another one for the team. Baby was born on a 19th. In july. So she's a cancer. And being born on a 19th, means you're super special. the baby... born in 2011, will have their 2nd birthday in 2012. We will be turning 1 and 26 a month a part from each other. I wanna cry. I love the baby, I know I will know the baby her whole life, I know we love each other. It no longer burns me that their names rhyme. I love them now. It's just emotional. I am alone. My baby is a yet-born in my own womb, covered like the entrance to a deep tomb.
"something is happening that you don't know what is, do you? mr. jones..."
"he crosses himself then he clicks his high heels."
I do not know what is going. On. Like I said. i wanna cry. I am a child. babies makin babies. Milk from holes. "And you know something's happening, but you don't know what it is."
I suppose, I could look at it like this: That I am an extremely fertile woman, who probably wishes she could have a baby... with a person. OR I am a human being who recognizes the joy of birth. And just it's only been a year and 3 months since we broke up, and in that "short" time (time passes slowly for me, that's why I'm really just 19), he found a partner, and now, a baby. It's not that I'm jealous. I know I will have similar opportunities... Later. But. Just a process I need no thought towards. The process of letting go. Takes time. It's just a little hard for me. But i love that baby. And i love the baby's parents, and they love me. So s'all good.
A baby is just a tiny person.
A baby has tiny fingernails.
A baby is born.
And the whole world rejoices.
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