Well.. 2 weeks ago I felt like I was at my wits end, with my reactions. So I started going to the Mahayana Buddhist Center downtown. and the Nalanda Institute and have found all the places to practice different forms of Buddhism. Like a long wrapping paper made of many strings, perhaps this began years ago.

remember remember remember... and walk away. you wanna hide from everyone. Secretly cannot wait for x y z to leave.
what are avoiding? can you take a breath for me? [and we did and for that breath the rocks and twigs and leaves danced)


tail ended.
backwards fins rile up our hands.
they are fish spins that help your hands move like water.
[will they find my secret? will they forgive me?]
what was kali like in my mythology, when she was a human on earth?
kali was bustin
balls
but i dont know her no, I know sam shine
i got globs of shine falling off my hands
held up to the sun
"Can I get some compassionate listening?"
asking to be given what you are not giving
you are what you are told you are
what you tell yourself
she was a tomato she was a fig
she fell to the ground all red
prostrated then, into a plum
pro-lithic edged nails
one of two only human species
blanketed idea like cataracts covers eyes
meeting aliens
peering out my window
i look up at the sky
and wonder
where can i go to help me be less self-cherishing?
do i go to where i stop writing?
do i go to silence?

do i jump into rainbow holes of unknown?
do i die with this fight?
how many times is my compassion slashed by my rage?
was she a mother? a stone?
a belly soft and big so immaculate
to lay on
his name is eric
he is the keeper of the woods
the yellow leaves
sing in his rejoice
the orange leaves turn their heads | to the ground and tiny ground pieces of small round dirt | perk up
like deer dear dear oh you in the head-lice
light liver a lover up and cover her him we with some flam shooters
sparks out fire does works
opulence
opiates
of mass
and weight
are toe
differences that wrap up together to create one
united. paradox. spinning .
when you open your palm it floats above it
this is as, was as, will be as, real as,
it gets

Specs. Tried trues. Marks. There are things you can say or not say.
what you are you are not
all i can do is look at nature for answers
when a leaf falls, it really seems like goodthing.
a god thing even
a mixed thing
a neutral thing
algae
so clean
cleanse water
cleanse hands shaped like water
hands shaped like fish
hands shaped and shaping the world
with the mid brain region of our spoil
the skull
contains
many
mysteries