not the next post, post

"I am not you, so we don't have to go the same way. I can feel you all the time, so we can be two different places at once, and still get to connect our paths together."

Is this co-dependence and lack of boundaries?

"The various characters in your fantasies are extensions of yourself."

Maybe when I meet someone I feel so strongly for, I am just meeting the recognition of me feeling so strongly for a part of myself represented by that individual.I mean, if reality too, is fantasy. Made of dreams.



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waiting out side to clean /meditate.

today's concept: fantasies, how we let our minds' create expectations that seek materialization

maybe I don't want much anymore. maybe i dont want things. don't want to possess. apparently I have electricity on my skin, that makes it soft.

i'd like to manifest. the idea that it's all under the sun.

maybe i think about having babies, and the picket fence dreams stuck way far in the back, at times. the idea of falling in love. how just when he said "synchronicity" the calm fell out of the bird's mouth onto the asphalt in the grocery store parking lot.
next to the water.
told me it was, too dirty to drink from.

i like to eat mono-meals. most people think it's weird, as in, won't share them with me. but... I think i need to be extra weird to control/manage my time.

neutrality feels weird. I am waiting for people to leave the buddhist center.
i am wondering how true it is, that all my fantasies have creates these attachments to how my life should be, or how yours should. I know, deep pit, that it's true, I've always known. I'm just so good at fantasizing. I can make things real. Is that black magic?

I wanna go away and read about nabaokov, in a crater, underneath a tall mountain, where the Mayans used to live.I think I have everything I have ever wanted. It's just... I do fantasize. A lot.

Like how one day Lupita (my cat) and I will rule the world as a huge jungle and eat grapes and play with each other's feets all day, cause we're sisters and all, and i love her so bad.

The one weird thing about my best friend and I, is that when we're having a real good time, and we're bonding, and feeling like the other is the only person one would ever want around. there's this other feeling that makes us separate. the one that comes from how we can't fuck each other. So then we seek, best friends that we can fuck, but we already have best friends... I don't know what this is, i am just observing. Is it just that me and my friends are super sexual? I dunno. I think we are, either that, or just super sexy.

I think that the whole thing that women, as they get older reach a sexual maturity
may be true.
The other thing I am observing, is that part of me is quite an animal. And I would like some unity on these parts.


bla blah blah...




I was thinking. I'm not sure. If I'm supposed to have anything I want.



Cleaning at the buddhist center is so calming.

okay by y'alll